Wanting...
In wanting you this way,
In having acquisition,
Possessing and keeping,
Even with squashing you tight in my hand,
I still don't know what I need.
Maybe, it's the moist beat of your heart,
Your own desire,
That makes me gasp silently.
In wanting to understand it all,
I try not to think too much,
Or to hold you too close.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Squalor
I have been living mainly in one room (not one bedroom, just one room), shared bathroom accomodations for about 21 months now. I am pretty content... I have had some breaks in between too, perhaps that is why I am pretty much ok with it.
However, one problem with living this way is keeping track of documents and paperwork..."Where did I put that gasoline ration coupon ?" etc. This means that I am often digging through assorted items of junk to look for something. My place is too small to have an effective filing system, or cabinets etc. Sometimes, I do get frustrated with sorting through all the trash of my transient life...e.g. receipts, notes, folders, plastic bags filled with paperwork.
I am leery to throw away stuff I might need, and only recently started drinking out of regular glasses...Have been, and still often do, use small jelly jars for beverages (perfect size and shape for one's hand.)
Sometimes I feel like I am living in squalor, and get fed up...I leave my uniform on the floor...I'll have to wear it in a few hours anyway, and grow insipid and callous.
However, one problem with living this way is keeping track of documents and paperwork..."Where did I put that gasoline ration coupon ?" etc. This means that I am often digging through assorted items of junk to look for something. My place is too small to have an effective filing system, or cabinets etc. Sometimes, I do get frustrated with sorting through all the trash of my transient life...e.g. receipts, notes, folders, plastic bags filled with paperwork.
I am leery to throw away stuff I might need, and only recently started drinking out of regular glasses...Have been, and still often do, use small jelly jars for beverages (perfect size and shape for one's hand.)
Sometimes I feel like I am living in squalor, and get fed up...I leave my uniform on the floor...I'll have to wear it in a few hours anyway, and grow insipid and callous.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
The Meaning of Belonging...
I mailed my passport application off today and I considered, not for the first time, what is the meaning of belonging to a particular country or region, and how is that defined in a time of constant movement.
We are still encumbered with ideas that race is tied to a particular place, but this is deceptive. In the same way perhaps that we may assume a certain religious conviction to be associated with a place. These concepts maybe ingrained, but I find that they are no longer valid, (if they ever were).
Without my passport perhaps I feel a little stateless. Yet is it just an engraved document that defines our loyalties? Isn't there something more that claims us? What claims can nations make upon our citizenship? Should we forced to choose one nation over another? How about one region within a country? Of course, a person may also have a close bond to one place via birth, another via marriage and another by preference, all at different times of life.
With people meeting and traveling and living across boundaries, what does it mean to be from " x-land" or "y- stan."
We are still encumbered with ideas that race is tied to a particular place, but this is deceptive. In the same way perhaps that we may assume a certain religious conviction to be associated with a place. These concepts maybe ingrained, but I find that they are no longer valid, (if they ever were).
Without my passport perhaps I feel a little stateless. Yet is it just an engraved document that defines our loyalties? Isn't there something more that claims us? What claims can nations make upon our citizenship? Should we forced to choose one nation over another? How about one region within a country? Of course, a person may also have a close bond to one place via birth, another via marriage and another by preference, all at different times of life.
With people meeting and traveling and living across boundaries, what does it mean to be from " x-land" or "y- stan."
Monday, September 14, 2009
August Turns to September
A friend of mine told me recently that the transition from August to September seems too abrupt/too drastic to just be the turn of another day. Perhaps, it is as if we suddenly realize we will lose the balmy lazy days of summer which will soon be replaced by the first brisk days of autumn. It seems as if this is a change year that should be marked by a new season or holiday. I agree.
The change does seem abrupt, and I feel I am almost caught out a little by the change of months... I guess September is a month to return to school, to end summer holidays etc.
It is cold and wet today. Wishing I had a bit of someones company.
The change does seem abrupt, and I feel I am almost caught out a little by the change of months... I guess September is a month to return to school, to end summer holidays etc.
It is cold and wet today. Wishing I had a bit of someones company.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
UP and DOWN
Funny sometimes how we can be so up and down in the same day. Yesterday I felt a little tired, and somehow a bit down. However, I knew that it would be a short term thing and I would be feeling better soon. Anyway, after a simple meal all was well. Which also reminded me of a precept I arrived at a few years ago...Problems are not going to improve on an empty stomach, so one may as well have something to eat and try to figure out things.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Poem for Today
In Good Times
In the top,
In the very highest,
Roller-coaster high,
Of this love,
When I feel like,
I am in the tallest tree a schoolboy ever climbed,
Surrounded by brushing leaves,
Like morning-time kisses all around me,
That is when I become terrified.
Getting tragically afraid that I will lose you,
Another thing gone.
I am terrified that I will have no love again,
No reason to go anywhere,
Forcing myself to be good to others all the time.
Because I know joy and peace - I fear it,
And also you.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Home...
This is all so very obvious but was on my mind this week...
We tend to associate "home" as a geographic concept, but of course it is more of an essence...more of a feeling of security, contentment and ease. Perhaps it is tied in to work, or being with someone. For some it may be the thrill of constantly being on the road.
If home is a sense of place and belonging, it could be gained anywhere.
In the constant upheaval of time and place, the most resilient people are those who may be able to make their home where they find it. They can dovetail their sense of home with whatever physical place they happen to be at. Definitely a useful skill, right up there with being able to sleep as soon as one closes ones eyes, no matter the place or time.
We tend to associate "home" as a geographic concept, but of course it is more of an essence...more of a feeling of security, contentment and ease. Perhaps it is tied in to work, or being with someone. For some it may be the thrill of constantly being on the road.
If home is a sense of place and belonging, it could be gained anywhere.
In the constant upheaval of time and place, the most resilient people are those who may be able to make their home where they find it. They can dovetail their sense of home with whatever physical place they happen to be at. Definitely a useful skill, right up there with being able to sleep as soon as one closes ones eyes, no matter the place or time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)