Poem for Today

Content

Pulse of breathing,
Pushing your chest against my back,
Bumping me, 
Like the slow thud of the bedside clock.

A million dreams tumble in you,
Swirling under your tresses,
Splayed over the pillows and my neck.


A sigh comes with a flicker of your limbs,
You seem content,
Untouched, enthralled, but at peace.

Alive and not,
Your breath warms my neck.
I only want to make your waking days,
As beautiful as your sleep.


November 2011

Poem for Today

For Life

You think I need you,
But just for the moment,
For this right-now want.

But my desire for you is in every moment,
In every drip, in this measured flow of time.

Join me in this dance,
Across the slippery globe,
Spinning ourselves around each other,
Because I'll be here for life.


Nov. 2011

Poem for Today

Catch 

Trying to win you.

I saw a child’s hand,

Opening and closing in a slanting beam of sun,

Cutting across its play-pen world.

She tried to capture the hope of light,

In a small and fat fist.

Feeling the warmth of yellow on flesh,

Fingers folding tight,

She snatches her hand to her face,

But she sits in the shade,

And the light is gone.

Sept/Oct 2011

Poem for Today

Still

Pausing, waiting, stopping,

Holding all time for your love,
I don’t remember why I wait.
But I have also forgotten anything else.

Trying to gather the webs of your life into my arms,

It’s much harder than even calling the sparrows to my side.

Sept/ Oct 2011

Poem for Today

Light
In this land,
Obliterated with light,
So bright and numbing and pure,

Feeling like sound,

Destructive with its vibration,
Shaking the strips of my bones.

In this place,

She gives me colors,
White, searing, sizzling.
A flash of burning joy when we love,
Black, never ending abyss when she leaves.


That is what stays with me.
The opening of a shaft,
Cut into the earth,
Whose end is dizzy-deep.

I can see it at night, because the entrance is darker,

That’s what makes it stand out. 

She colors my life.
All the shades,
Now they are mixed,
Scrambled, and dry-cracked in the sun,
Like my old paintbox.


Sept 2011

Poem for Today

Cities

In beautiful hotels,

In maddening and difficult cities,

Plump with anger and wealth.

In the pine forests, damp-cool and free,

Under a swirling night,

Of lights and dust and voices,

Far away, but right here around me.

In all this space,

And flow of time,

I walk in a small wire cage.

With nothing to witness me,

Without the joy of someone’s pride,

With no reasons.

This is being without love.

Sept/Oct  2011

Poem for Today

Knowing You

I don't know what you are,
Only that you are one woman,
And the destiny of the world is in your hands,
And that touching your mouth makes me alive.


Oct. 2011

View My Milblogging.com Profile

Poem for Today

Ache

The loneliness is like a toothache,

But it drags my whole body,

Into its turquoise-bright,  world of pain,

Diffuse, every inch of my dry skin is touched.

But, from time to time,

It becomes focused,

On her face.

Running the loops of memory in my head.

It’s all part of a bigger disease,

And though I feel the blood,

And life leave my body, as I wish for her,

It just makes me feel hopeless,

Without the solace of unconsciousness.

Streets

Walking the streets in this mad city.
At least the evenings are cooler here.

I trundle along, feeding the strays.
Lots of fuzzy young kittens. All of them are very skittish, but they usually give me a bewildered, but challenging and bold look before they bound off. I left food for many of them, but I was only able to get one cat to come to me. She was a tortoiseshell. Her face was perfectly divided right along her nose into a tabby pale orange and a brownish flecked chocolate. She was a tiny creature with protruding hip bones. She was the only vocal cat I encountered, and gave me a chirpy meow.

So, in my whole life, I was meant to be at this one place, at that time, to give food to this animal...If that was my purpose than it was worth it.

Poem for Today

Light

In this land,
Obliterated with light,
So bright and numbing and pure,

Feeling like sound,

Destructive with its vibration,

Shaking the strips of my bones.

In this place,

She gives me colors,

White, searing, sizzling.

A flash of burning joy when we love...

Black, never ending abyss when she leaves.

That is what stays with me.

Opening of a shaft, cut into the earth,

Whose end is dizzy-deep.

I feel it at night, becuase the entrance is even darker,

That’s what makes it stand out.

She colors my life.

Now all the shades,

They are mixed,

Scrambled, and dry cracked in the sun,

Like my old paintbox.

Sept 2011

Poem for Today

Stars

I think of ice-cold perfume,

Tapping on the warmth of your skin.

How the vapor pours off you...

Changed, like a blend of your body and its essence.

The aroma seems like a mist of gold,
So dense,

And I fall.

Drunk and blind,

Enrobed in the stars of your champagne-filled mouth.


Sept 2011

Poem for Today

Thief

Are you a gambler?

Wagering on this life,

Trading your days,

For love and friends.

Did you think you must be alone?

Nothing needing you?

You believed it so much, you made it your truth.

Or is some old scar,

Still teasing you with its gentle ache?

Are you a thief?

Collecting memories for yourself,

Making them from others’ limbs and thoughts,

Then stealing them,

Leaving empty houses.

We are waiting for a card to turn,

As I play this game with you,

But I don’t even know the rules,

And I knew - I would always lose,

In your goodbyes.

Aug 2011

Poem for Today

Taste

Melting quick, like chocolate in summer,
Smeared on hands, enrobed in sweat,
Sticky, sweet and salty,
It becomes like glue, cloying me.

Blending into a nothing shape,
I feel the life go out of me,

A dissolving sticky mass,

The taste is still there, but it is blurred.


Everything I have for you stains my hands and clothes,
My mind is discolored, permanently tinted,

It can't be rubbed off,

It's not so sweet when I taste my fingers.

July 2011

Dog Story

I think that the experiences I have here are not special, but because of the situation, environment and the way I feel, things seem more poignant...

 

Yesterday, I was loading or unloading (can’t remember which, and perhaps I was doing both things simultaneously) our vehicle.  The day consisted of the same evening haze of heat, and the horizon and sky merged into one as a type of pearlesence (like on the inside of an oyster shell). The blending of sky and sand is not distinct but fuzzy, like a vast smear because of the dust in the air.

 

Suddenly, I felt something, like a presence... (It is that feeling you get when you feel you are being stared at.) I felt it below my line of vision, and instantly I thought of a serpent at my feet and how I would drop my load of supplies onto it and step back.) Of course all this thought happens in a flash...

 

I looked down fearfully, pretending to be bold...At my knees was a small and emaciated creature. Dirty grey-white... It was like a small greyhound. It had a lean and noble head, clear gaze, with ribs and spine showing through its short grizzled coat. It was not aggressive, but merely stood there looking into the vehicle like it wanted to go for a ride...In the past I have trapped such animals on other bases and assisted in killing them. Of course, that was not something that could be done now...Yet, what could I offer it? I could I help it?

 

I found one of those single serving cereal containers and offered it. She wasn't interested...at first...But eventually she came around to gobbling up the little dense rings of "O" shaped wheat and corn...Yet, I had no water for it...I offered only my voice for comfort, and that has never helped anyone...I think I sought to comfort myself more by speaking to it gently and quietly. As if I was addressing myself...As if it was my soul there in that animal, emaciated; padding around the desert desperately looking for water or food.

 

By our accidental presence at a certain time and place, perhaps we happen to be at the right place and time to help someone. But only if we look to do so...

I heard that if a man needs help, it will come to him....Perhaps...

Poem for Today...

Child and Father

Being a boy once - my father took me to a park,
It is years ago now,
So, I don't even remember how much is true,
Or which part is just fond wishing of a memory I want.

It was a weekday afternoon, and must have been summer.
Tunnels of ancient live oaks resist the sun at the playground.

I tried the cracked wooden planks of swings,
Red flakes of paint, sharp on the dry white wood,
Creaking roundabouts and shiny dented tongues of slides,
Claimed my limbs.


He would join my games,
This father person who I knew only a little,
Perhaps mainly by obligation.


But he would only try things briefly,
Initially joyful, his face would always fade,
Like water emptying from a hole in his heart.


I see him now, sitting large on a child's bench,
Looking off into distance. Quiet.


It's so long ago now,
It took me all this time to realize...
That he was with me because he had no work.
His time with his son,
For him,  it was confirmation of his responsibilities,
And that he was not meeting them.


With my chubby hands I remember holding his palms,
Trying to cheer him,
Not knowing of the adult ways to come,
Thinking that if we laughed more, or I tried harder,
Maybe he would be happy too.


It is only now that I really feel his pain.
It comes from understanding.


A little piece of my parent's struggle becomes clearer to me,
As I try to hang on.


July 2010 and June 2011

Poem for Today

Believe Me


Believe me,
That when you are alone,
And careening and bouncing near the edges,
Sliding on ice towards the hard stop,
Then. - Even the birds are your friends.


The little ones I mean.
The chirping brown sparrows, 
Also, the dopey dragonflys,
And the flirtful and purposeful bees,
Of course, the bumbly, and big furry ones, too.


They become your everything.
Seeming divine to you,
You wonder how to worship them,
Begging for the solace of their quick glance,
Or accidental pause.


But, it is only in their indifference,
That they offer comfort.
It is then that you remember that you are nothing.


Jan and Feb 2011

Poem for Today

Power of Give and Take Away


Claim me with your eyes,
Needing your voice in the dark.


But you don't realize,
How your calls drive me to you,
Making my mind crawl over thorns and rocks,
Bringing me to you, 
Dragging my limbs,
To the only tree in this white desert.


I used to think that your power was over me,
Now I know that you punish yourself too.

By hurting me,
You need the edges to push away your pain,
Just as much as I do.


Jan 2011

Poem for Today

Pain

I seek for immediate pain,

To drive you from me,

The cutting weight on my shoulders,

The straps,

The bumping of nylon and alloy,

Never quite getting the load on my back comfortable.

But it always ends,

After moments, or hours,

There only remains that dragging fatigue,

A sort of soft and bitter taste. Lingering.

Flavoring my thoughts like the bitter rind of pistachios.

The tiredness keeps you away,

But it is also temporary.

March 2011

Poem for Today

I saw a small Bedouin girl playing in the ruins near here a few weeks ago...

Child

Desert dry hair,

Blown and twisted with sand and dry sun,

Carved into light and dark.

Playing in Roman ruins,

Ancient dust of heroes,

It's all over your tiny brown feet.

With open eyes, light and quick-gleaming,

Sparkling, even though there is nothing in your hands,

Nothing in your belly,

You roll in the grass.

With this nothing, you have captured me.

The wildness of your play,

Spiralling through the old broken columns.

You're the most beautiful thing I have ever seen,

And I ache for my lover to join me,

So we can make another like you.

march 2011

Poem for Today

Walks

The man with no homeland walks,
 Always moving,
Sometimes I call it traveling.


 Trying to be part of something,
Each town - I want to make it mine,
A place where I have memory or family, Or a lover.
Each country, I beg it to be mine, to claim me,
To wrap me tight in its flags,
So I can cheer and sing its songs.


But there is always some difference,
And I can't feel part of anything,
Sometimes it's the way the light shines on my shell,
That makes me separate,
Or that I have no history there,
Or no person.


But I share its peoples' life, this same air, and dirt,
It drapes over my shoes.
Something keeps me apart,
So I keep walking, looking.

Jan 2011

birds

I like birds, especially owls!

In the morning I see little sparrows carving quick low arcs over the dirt. They seems so playful! Like naughty little imps. They curl and weave, and contrast with the dark majesty of the hawks and eagles.

I like them, they are playful and mischievous little imps! Quick and active and very charming. Not unlike yourself...

I give them little pieces of cracker that they peck at with tiny little beaks. Brightly chirping at me and blinking with bright eyes. They seem insolent and yet kind.

All Seems Good...

A hot shower and decent meal and all seems right with the world! I really have it good in my little space! The chance to sit quietly, and have a cup of coffee or tea...paradise.

Nope, never had it so good!

Poem for Today

Beautiful Disaster

You see yourself as broken,
Damaged.

Unique in your total grief,
Some mottled and cracked leaf,
Wasted after Autumn,
Spun out on the cold breeze,
Drifting alone.

The beautiful disaster that you think you are,
It's not just you...
But what you do to me.

You are different, - and not.
Just like me,
Perfectly imperfect,
I love your madness.

Stay like you are,
And let us live this out together.

01 Jan 2011

MRE and Me...

Dust hangs low today...It is very fine, it is barely noticeable, but the skin feels like it is covered with a fine talc. It is almost like graphite as it seems to have that kind of feel. However, I am sure it is more corrosive.

New Years day, and I wonder what this year will bring. Although, seem to not want to think about it too much.

I think the diet versions of Pepsi and Coke seem to be better overseas...Less carbonated.

Today someone said that they hoped all my dreams came true... I am not sure what the hell that meant? It seems so strange to hear something like that. I couldn't take it in any meaningful sense. I don;t even have any "dreams". Just contentment is all I want.