"They Say It's Your Birthday..."

The posts titled with song titles/lyrics continue.

It is my birthday today. Cold snap here. Damp and cool. Sky is grey like steel. Although a little while ago a gleam of pale sun - faint yellow like a boiled egg -popped through the clouds. I am stuck in the North of Iraq after a short mission - awaiting transportation. The wind / damp air are gently blowing. A few puddles reflect the sky, which is similar in color to the gravel strewn earth.

It is a bit despondent and run down here, as are a lot of the camps. Old Iraqi military buildings, are adorned with faded murals and Arabic writing. But the run-down and shabby feel of this place suits my mood today.

I will lift my spirits with a coffee which I will get from the DFAC. Although I am not really "down".
I am travelling with Iraqi-American translators. They speak Arabic amongst themselves and with the other translators. I am responsible for their safety, and perhaps they resent the over watch...I am removed from their language and conversations. Today I felt detached from them, as well as the fellow soldiers around me. Just feel more alone. Maybe not lonely.

I am thinking of a girl.

I can't remember last year's birthday. I won't forget this one though. It started with a morning flight in a helicopter. I thought, "My God, what a honor, what a privilege it is to serve on this day, away from home!"

My love for my country keeps me warm.

Three Little Birds...

Above where I live are some tiny -but chubby- little sparrows / finches. They have set up a nest(s) in the few inches between the top of my living space and the corrugated metal on the roof. Today I saw three of them peeking out and looking around. They have small faces with brilliant black eyes and short yellow-tan beaks.
They have such a playful, but self assured air that it is easy to start talking to them. "What are you up to?" or "Hey birds, what are you doing?" They look at you with complete disdain for a moment before they get back to business.

It's a different world for them.

Poem for Today

Hold

I hold you in my arms,

It’s a bad place.

I’ve lost all feeling for you,

Desire flattened like kid’s juice boxes.

Forgive me,

I can’t forget this other person.

Looking Out My Backdoor...

Nothing like flying in a helicopter...Here is the view from the rear gunner.

On a clear day you can see off into the haze of the distance and wonder what you are doing here.

Poem for Today

Waiting

Resting, in your silent,

And hard chambered world.

Insulated from knowing right or wrong,

Or seeing faces.

Just muffled sounds come to you,

And infrequent flashes of circular light,

Bouncing down grooved steel.

That is your view of the outside world.

Waiting to take your turn,

Running the curved spiral out into what we call life,

That’s where I live, and make the decision to free you.

Or not.

Wish I could make no judgments,

Just take the action, and fly.

September 2008

Tired

Feel sort of achy today. But the morning is bright and only touched with a faint film of dust. The breeze even has a cooling tinge to it.

The small sparrows are bouncing around, dashing about, tilting their small heads like they've never seen people before. Like they are at some zoo, and we are the ones to be observed and pondered at...They are probably wondering if we fly.

I can't seem to find the effort to make it to a computer to write recently, but there is a short verse of poetry I wanted to add here. It is from TE Lawrence, and was in the opening to his book "Seven Pillars of Wisdom". I read it a long while ago, and came across the poem again recently.

"I loved you, so I drew these tides of men into my hands
and wrote my will across the sky in stars..."

Wonder if he was a man looking for himself, tossed between time and cultures, what was he seeking, and did he even know. I wonder - We do not know what we seek, yet we are able to find the excuses to go searching.

Perhaps we are all like that on a smaller scale, drifting across our own small and self-made planets. Some are lush, some like barren and grey winter deserts.

Trying to make a difference. I will seek some solace in coffee.

Flying...

A C-130 is a four engined cargo plane, used by many nations. Flying in it as a passenger is reassuring because the aircraft has been around forever. It is sort of ungainly, and has a utilitarian form which emanates a charm and also a feeling of security.

As a passenger, you are cramped onto seats made of nylon straps. Squashed between soldiers on each side, and in front of you. You have to interlock your feet and knees to get comfortable.

This is in contrast to flying back in the civilian world - where we spend so much time trying to make sure we are not touched by the passenger next to us.

The cramped experience is sort of ok, no choice really... The worst part is the interminable sweat which forms and rolls down my face, back and legs - and much worse is the nausea. There are only a few round windows on these aircraft, and any maneauver by the pilots means that you have no idea which way the aircraft is turning...Sometimes it feels like I am rolling upside down.
There is an unpleasant feeling of directionless movement with no view of the horizon. It is perhaps like being in a closed roller coaster compartment, with no windows, and no idea which way the track is going to take you.

Nausea is an overwheming feeling, producing an awful sensation of doom.